A checklist for whether or not you are depressed.
- Comfortable clothes ONLY (leggings with flannel shirts for fancy outings, your sister’s high school sweat suits covered in cat hair for everything else)
- No food all day, then macaroni and cheese at 2 am (use the recommended amount of butter, then more butter in place of the recommended amount of milk) (ramen is an acceptable substitute for macaroni and cheese)
- No sleep at night, sleep ONLY between the hours of 10 am and 10 pm
- Nighttime sleep replaced by hours upon hours of woman/teen-specific television programming (some suggestions: Glee, Grey’s Anatomy, Say Yes to the Dress)
- No showering (unless maybe you are forced to go someplace like a party or a bar and by forced I mean FORCED)
- ‘Early and often’ for drinking, not voting (absentee ballots are too hard right now)
- CONSTANT nausea
I’m just saying.