keeping a notebook

Is there such a thing as 'just having one beer'?

That’s like as fucking mythical as a unicorn or the G spot.

Something that recently happened in my life.

I was sexually rejected by a man who lists ‘The Garden State Soundtrack’ in his favorite music on Facebook.

Yikes, dude, it’s 2009. (And you’re obviously a homosexual for not wanting to bang me. Right? That’s how that works?)

THIS is what everyone has been talking about?

bgebs:

i finally saw mad men yesterday. after all the stills posted on tumblr, jillion comments about it on jezebel, and stupid twitter icons, i had high expectations.

IT WAS SO BORING. hmm should we put grandpa in a home? omg i dunno, i’m a bad daughter, madison square garden blah blah. i almost fell asleep. i saw some clip before of a old guy getting a beej from a mexican guy, so i thought maybe this was a show i could get down with, but the only person banging in this episode was the one ugly girl and it was just awkward to hear her ask “do you have a trojan?” while watching this with my boyfriend and his mom. ugh. never listening to hipsters about tv shows ever again. wake me up when a show is on about fat people, dancing, or preferably fat people dancing in outfits about 5 sizes too small (dance your ass off finale on monday yess)

There was a four week period where I didn’t cry about him anymore. ‘This is good,’ I thought. ‘This is normal, this is getting over it, this is moving on.’ So I filled every idle moment with the creation of baked goods (plum upside down cake, cherry crisp, peach cupcakes) followed by walking six miles daily, but that kind of thing only works for a little while.

So now two months later I’m back, at two in the morning, screaming in my car in the parking lot of my neighborhood swimming pool. Spending my days reading MySpace comments between him and his ex-girlfriend from 2005. (They are heart wrenchingly adorable: ‘I think riding bikes through Boston at night with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’ I totally know what you mean, Natalie, but our thing was late night walks to that high school on 13th that overlooks U St and then the Mall beyond that.)

It’s impossible to say what precisely has drawn me back here again. Did I ever really leave it? Is this the normal course of grief? I have Googled the stages, but cannot categorize my feelings into distinct periods of ‘denial’, ‘anger’, ‘bargaining’, ‘depression’ and ‘acceptance.’ Instead, I suspect that I have created somewhat of a perfect storm in my life where absolutely everything is crumbling around me (even my molars—I spit half of one into my palm the other night after binge eating Irish cheddar) and he is the lightening rod for my general feelings of complete devastation.

A couple funny stories have come out of this emotional instability regarding men, though. I’ll tell them later.

Can Google stalking become an Olympic event, guys?

Because I will total gold medal in that shit. I mean, it only took me like an hour just now to find photographs of everyone he’s ever fucked and then rank us all in attractiveness. (Mary and Lea are tied for the win.)